Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Yet More Dreadful Foreign FF Covers

Let's leave the Germans alone for a while.

"I am from Holland. Isn't that vierd? Yesh!"

Yesh! It ish! To be fair it hash Dutch text and muschroomsch on the front so thish ishn't perhapsh all that suprishing. (Forest of Doom in case you haven't worked it out).

There wash a TV advertishing campaign in the UK a few yearsh ago for Grolsch lager in which a Dutchie guy used the shlogan "Guysh, gusyh what are you doing? Thish $NOUN ish not ready yet!" to refer to events shuch ash a bank raid on a bank that wash schtill being built or a porn film in which the repairmen actually schtarted work repairing the fridge owned by the schantily clad buxom houschewife. Ash you can imagine thish phrashe getsch repeated only about scheven hundred timesh each and every time we are in the 'dam. And it never ceasches to be funny! Scheriouschly!

And guessch what? It worksh here too!


Artisch: Guysh, gusyh! What are you doing? My cover painting isch not ready yet! It doeschn't even have any foreground detailing!

Publisher: Hey, it'sch cool. We'll juscht put a big box and the title there. Fanscy a schmoke?

Alternatively I juscht picture another schene whereby a brilliant, if tortured, artischt waitsch expectantly for the proofsch to arrive imagining how schtunning hish cover will look, scheeing the title schlapped careleshly over his lovingly painted fantaschy charactersch and then cutting hish ear off and preschenting it to a proschtitute.

In the company we've been keeping thisch (Warlock) ish merely unremarkably rubbisch but it ish noteworthy for the fact that Ian Livingschtone hash taken his name off it and turned it into an Alan Schmithee produschtion. Poor editing? Schurely not!

Now, some non-Dutch schtuff stuff.

The title was in silver/chrome so hasn't scanned but this is the Russian translation of Deathtrap Dungeon. Just look at the eyes. This is clearly what the Prophet Hicks referred to as a "heroic dose".

Whilst on the subject of Russia it appears that the Russian translations are all bootlegs as they are attributed to somebody called "Michael Frost". Also of interest is that the Russian title for Forest of Doom (Chernoles'e/Чернолесье]) is apparently the Russian word for "Deciduous Forest" which somehow fails to carry any sense of menace with it unless, deep down within the Slav psyche, there is something deeply disturbing and wrong with non-coniferous woodland.

Finally, off to Hungary. Hungarian Deathtrap Dungeon is called Halállabirintus which would be a pretty neat name for an Old School megadungeon. Except that they hyphenated it thusly...

...which just makes me think of a maze full of doner kebab.

Either that or a mazes of lambs having their throats cut. Either will do.

(Again, all pics from with totally no permission whatsoever.)

1 comment:

  1. I quite like that first one. Not at all indicative of Forest of Doom, of course, but still quite eerie. It might work well for one of the later horror books, like Dead of Night or Moonrunner.