Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Star Wars History By Coop


After the defeat of the Rebel Alliance at the Battle of Endor, the Empire launched several military campaigns to subdue rebel systems. Foremost amongst the leaders of these campaigns was Grand Moff Hor, widely recognised as the finest military mind the Empire had.

The Rebel Alliance had been an attempt to usurp The Emperor and replace him with a ruling psychic elite that would have split the galaxy into a two tier social structure with a superior ruling class and a vassal class below them. This nightmare avoided, it fell to the Empire to unify humanity and eradicate the last of these psychic witches that threatened the future development of mankind.

At some point during these campaigns of unification Hor got corrupted by remnants of the heretical Jedi faith and turned traitor and launched an attack upon Coruscant, determined to usher in a new age of psychic elitism with himself on the throne of Coruscant. Fully one third of the Empire's forces followed him, one third remained loyal to Emperor Palpatine and one third tried to remain neutral as the Galactic Empire burnt in civil war.

Ultimately Hor was defeated. Leading 12th Stormtrooper Legion "The Eaters of Worlds", Hor killed the loyalist Grand Moff Sanguin, head of the 9th Stormtrooper Legion "The Angels of Blood" and greviously wounded Emperor Palpatine. Hor was distracted from landing the telling blow by a sole Imperial Trooper known to history as Olan Pu, allowing Palpatine to slay him. Hor's forces fled from Coruscant bearing his corpse, intending to clone it.

Mortally wounded, Ugnaughts encased Palpatine's shattered body in a Golden Throne allowing him to use his psychic might to shepherd humanity in the dark centuries to come.

Many millenia pass and Palpatine's Empire has sunk into a morass of religious bigotry and superstition.

IN THE GRIM FUTURE LONG TIME AGO THERE IS ONLY WAR!

7 comments:

  1. Lol. The defence of the Emperers palace wasn't commanded by a certain Moff Ogal Orn comanding the Emperor's Fists Stormtrooper Legion by any chance was it?

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Games™ Workshop™ Legal™ Division™ would like to remind Coopdevil that the rich and varied Warhammer™ 40,000™ setting is a wholly original work of intellectual property and bears no similarity nor owes any influence to any other works whatsoever. Honest.

    They™ would also like to remind Coopdevil that use of Games™ Workshop™ terminology, even in jest, constitute violation of that -- wholly original, remember -- intellectual property.

    ReplyDelete
  3. A while back I chatted (at a games show) with a miniatures sculptor who had received a cease-and-desist letter from a certain UK miniatures manufacturer objecting to his use of the term "power armour" which their legal department claimed was their trademark.

    He referred them to the case of Arkell vs Pressdram (1971) and pointed out that the estate of Robert A. Heinlein might be interested to discuss trademarks.

    I believe this was when they acquired a new legal department that thought it had to make a splash to justify it's salaries. Been quiet ever since :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Was that around the same time that the GW legal department went round threatening message boards that discussed GW games? Essentially, threatening the fans of GW games because they discussed GW games using GW-trademarked terms. What would Jervis say?

    ReplyDelete
  5. @Coopdevil: GW actually claimed that 'Power Armour' was their trademark? Really? That is about as insane as it gets.

    ReplyDelete