Monday, 4 July 2011

Warpath By Mantic Games - Epic Trolling Sir, Epic Trolling

Ronnie Renton contemplates launching plastic Zoats, Fimir and racist Pygmies. And Christmas Marines and Chaos Toilets. Possibly Slann with las-guns too.

OK, so you are Ronnie Renton, ex-GW employee now running your own plastic toy soldier company. Your first releases are some High Elves priced to dramatically undercut your ex-employers High Elf range although they are a litle slim so you only really undercut your ex-employers Lord of the Rings range. But that degenerate Brit Old Skool blogger Coop buys a few boxes for his abortive LotR project anyway.

Then you bring out some Undead and Dwarfs, most definately undercutting your ex-employer and ex-employer must be at least a trifle narked.

At that point, and completely out of the blue, it's suddenly time to shift INTO MAXIMUM OVERTROLL!!!!!!!!

In rapid succession you release Chaos Abyssal Dwarves mainly because your ex-employer hasn't bothered with those for ages and it will seriously piss them off.

(Oh and at some point whilst all this is going on you get the bloke who wrote the previous version of your ex-employer's flagship fantasy wargame to write your, err..., flagship fantasy wargame).

Then you respond to your ex-employers, ahem, problems with shifting production to a new cheaper much more fucking expensive medium by shifting to the same medium and relaunching your Wraiths with twice the number in the box compared to before but at the same price. On the same day your ex-employers launches it's new cheaper much more fucking expensive range P.R. disaster and shitstorm complete with pubes in the boxes. The Lulz are strong in this one.

And then, because that's not trolling enough to keep you happy, you then launch your beta test of your new fantasy in space wargame written by the bloke who wrote the previous version of your ex-employer's flagship fantasy wargame with the following logo

Which of course features a gauge that goes past 40,000.

Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not 40,000. You see, most blokes, you know, will be gaming at 40,000. You're on 40,000 here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on 40,000 on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?

And because this is a fantasy in space wargame (you know, fantasy in space, the concept that your ex-employers are desperate to pretend they never intended in the first place) you have to have Orcs in Space and something called "Armoured Humans" and of course in your first release you have...

Space Dwarves.

Ronnie, a nation salutes. Epic trolling Sir, epic trolling Sir.

Please bring out Davlen Muck or something in big bottles. That would also be ace.


  1. Coop, this is pure comedy gold. I laughed out loud at this, particularly the Spinal Tap ref.

    I wait with baited breath for Davlen Muck and artwork by Joan Blench.

  2. I hadn't noticed the gauge. That's cleverness of SOD OFF BRYAN ANSELL proportions.

  3. Ronnie! The Old School British Gaming Public Salute's You. Long Live Squats! Long Live Mantic Games.

  4. Heh. Davlen Muck. Nice.

  5. Is XKCD's observation on Google+ ("It's Facebook, minus Facebook") apposite here? "Mantic: like GW, minus the GW-ness".

  6. LOL! Hope you don't mind if I drop in and set the record straight. I designed the Warpath logo and the HUD in the background is copied from a real-life example. The photo I referenced genuinely read 40400 on the right-hand gauge. Cos I'm original like that I copied it unthinkingly. It took a cheerful German fellow to point the unintended irony out to me at the Mantic open day. Hey ho! Great blog - keep up the good work!!! Xx