Wednesday, 11 January 2012

Open Table 2012 - Rumours II

Castle B'stard

The Imperial Architects Guild claim that the shattered and collapsed heap of masonry on the coast that is Castle B'stard (pronunciation varies according to social class - in polite company it is referred to as Castle Illegitimatius) could never have originally taken the form of an intact castle as there is simply just too much rubble there. They hold that it was constructed in it's picturesque ruined state as a folly during the time of the Moninav Republic when such things were à la mode.

Conversely the local fishermen tell tall tales about huge stone blocks that fell from somewhere above the clouds over a period of seven days and seven nights which mostly landed atop each other in a chaotic and tottering heap. Students of the Turnbuckle school claim that Castle B'stard aimed for a position somewhere below the clifftop and simply missed.

Whatever the truth of it what is now known as Castle B'stard squats atop the vertiginous Birdshit Cliffs overlooking the sea. Shattered stone outposts lie collapsed upon the many rock spires that stud the coastline in the vicinity. Access is near impossible from the sea and extremely hazardous from inland as it would involve crossing the ancestral hunting grounds of many a tribe of purple-haired Bugbears who regard the area as taboo to outsiders.

Birdshit Cliffs

Very tall, very messy. As if a divine hand had created them there with little care for the vagaries of natural coastal erosion or geographic plausibility.

A famous feature of Birdshit Cliffs (besides the guano) are the fossilised skeletons of many a dinosaur and example of sabre-toothed Megafauna. Reputedly these were created and placed here by the angry and immature god Jove-Jove in order to test the faith of his followers on the grounds that he had already told them that such did not exist.

Local (living) fauna include the notorious Canker Birds, a genus of filthy, ragged-plumed birds who seem to have been created by Grandfather Nurgle for other no reason than to act as a vector for assorted unpleasant diseases.

Count Metalmane
Little is known of Count Metalmane(*) other than that he is an agent of purest Chaotic alignment - that is he is Chaotic and commits Chaotic acts just for the sheer bloody hell of it as opposed to any fallacious notions of good or evil. It is believed that his impressive wig is formed from the skinned pelts of pedigree Poodle dogs but that might just be a mistranslation from the original Chaotic alignment tongue into the Common tongue.

Adventurer's gossip is starting to hint that Count Metalmane has declared himself the ruler of Castle B'stard.

The Cult of Divine Atrocities

A loose-knit underground movement dedicated to the appeasement of assorted evil and destructive alien entities, the Cult of Divine Atrocities is an umbrella brotherhood (and sisterhood) of pure evil that none the less enjoys a respected niche in society.

Put simply the Cult is prepared to do all the dirty work (virgin sacrifice, mass murder etc.) that keeps the aforementioned assorted evil and destructive alien entities appeased in order that they not run bloody amok amongst the mortals, tear open the sky or turn the entire planet in something resembling mould.

Individual temples of the cult are dedicated seekers of forbidden knowledge attempting to divine the truth about any forgotten gods that might have fallen down between the cracks of mankind's knowledge and so prepare the necessary rituals in order to stave them off. Suffice to say, malign entities of this kind tend to have somewhat foul rituals.

While the actions of the cultists are undeniably of an evil ilk, many of the cult simply regard their vocation as unpleasant but necessary. They recruit heavily from amongst those employed in similar unpleasant but necessary jobs such as slaughterhousemen, sewer workers and purefinders(**).

This is not to say that all cultists are pragmatic individuals concerned with the greater good as the cult provides a useful outlet for the less self-sacrificing members of society, not to mention those who thirst for the knowledge contained within the cult's formidable research libraries as well as numerous sexual deviants.

It is rumoured that on occasion, the cult is not above simply inventing a hitherto unheard of god, setting up a cosy temple and demanding legal protection from the local authorities. It is also rumoured that on occasion, the cult may deliberately ignore the appeasement and sealing rituals having carefully weighed up the personal pros and cons of summonation versus banishment.

(*) I wonder which HM-loving Citadel Miniatures in the 1980s sported an impressive metal-mane?
(**) Oh WFRP dearest, this should have been on your career list for the Rogue character class from day one.

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