Tuesday, 5 February 2013

The Oldhammer Warband

Right then, for the Oldhammer day to be played out at Foundry in Nottingham later in the year, it's time to sort out the Coop Chaos Warband. With dice rolling and everything. See here for all the stuff if this appears to make no sense to you.



Here are my weapons - plenty of chaotic chance and randomness in there.



First up, me or UMLAUT GÖRESHITTER as I now wish to be known. I pick a 10 Hero Human. Khornate, so get Chaos Armour for free which is basically Heavy Armour +1.

Chaos Attribute - Limb Transference. Hmmmm. This turns out to be head to knee which, for purposes of modelling, I can only envisage as requiring the decapitation of a model and the sculpting of a face on a giant swollen knee. Much like my knee after I banged it trying to clamber out of a single-seater racing car (had it had a scowling John Blanche Ogre face growing out of it at the time).

3 Retinue rolls next.

First is d6 Hobgoblins, 2 of. Fairly certain I can rustle up some Goblinoids that are not quite little Goblins, but not quite hulking Orcs. I have some Ral Partha Orcs that can go in the Dettol.

Second is 2d6 Beastmen, 7 of. Don't think I have any of these to hand although I do have an Asgard Half-Troll that needs using.

Third roll is, ohh...


Which sends me off the interesting Other table. Score - Fimir.

That's bad luck as I don't have one and they aren't exactly cheap on eBay. Still, carry on. This turns to be not just a Fimir but a Chaos Fimir as it has up to D3 attributes - Roll of 1. Result - Chaos-Were.

Which requires another model. Roll for base creature for "were" form - Fimir.

ODFO.

2 Fimir models? Fimir-Were-Fimir?

Fuck it, keep rolling. Chaos-Were form has 5 attributes.

Hopper (one leg - obviously just what you want with a old, large, white metal model designed for a 40mm base), Huge Head (just what you want with a old, large, white metal model designed for a 40mm base that is now balancing on one leg), Warty Skin (which was done with little balls of Milliput pressed flat on the model's skin, yes?), Bestial Face and...

Chaos Spawn.

ODFO.

Roll another d6 attributes.

Bestial Face (again), Beaked (twice) ,Rotting Flesh.

KHORNE MY UNHOLY MASTER WHY MUST YOU MOCK AND TORMENT ME SO ALL I EVER WISHED TO DO WAS ADORN YOUR GORE-SPLATTERED FOOTSTOOL WITH THE OFFAL OF MINE ENEMIES!

Lets get this straight shall we...

A Fimir that has the curse of Lycanthrophy that, upon nights when Morrslieb the Chaos Moon is full turns into his bestial inner self... another Fimir.

With a giant head supporting two bestial faces, both beaked while hopping on one giant leg. He does have a slight wart problem with his complexion but happily that's being resolved as it's basically all falling off.

JUST TURN ME INTO A CHAOS SPAWN NOW AND GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH OK?

Now, where's my Milliput?

LATER EDIT

Suddenly, Chaos Were Fimir reminded me of Leaping Slomm Two-Face all the way back in "The Mark of Chaos" (basically proto-RoC) in The First Citadel Compendium from 1983.




That gives me something to work on. Maybe start with a leg from a doll or action figure of some description, forget that the Chaos-Were form is supposed to be a Fimir (as the Chaos Spawn attribute rather trumps that) and work up something akin to this.


10 comments:

  1. I just laughed so hard at you misfortune (sorry) but a fimir wear-fimir! you description was just SO good!

    I hope you can not only do it justice but enjoy your day of oldhammering, just wish I could get there.

    ttfn

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  2. Brilliant!

    There must be some atrocious D&D plastic prepaint that you could hack to bits to create this monstrosity?!

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  3. You truly are favoured by the gods! This will be an epic tale of chaotic randomness and the futility of mortal logic.

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  4. Haha, gen-u-ine lols here, great stuff! :-)

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  5. You could probably track down some of the old plastic heroquest fimir as a good starting point.

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  6. "...his bestial inner self... another Fimir! With a giant head supporting two bestial faces, both beaked while hopping on one giant leg."

    Great warp spasm. Or greatest warp spasm?

    "Fimm WereFimm weirded out a hundred warriors so greatly their brains melted out through their noses. He did not think it too many."

    Silliness aside: Bloodmoon Minis do resin *ahem* Bog Warrior models. They're 'roid-loving mesomorphs compared to the old GW Fimir, but might be an easier conversion job.

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  7. Hah, that made me laugh, but, this is creepy, I'm right now building a warp-spasming mutant fimir. I mean, I know this is the internet, but the odds?

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    Replies
    1. Must be the chaos gods at work... They want us all to have were-fimirs!

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  8. Defo plastic heroquest fimir FTW

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